Honey! I’m Pregnant

Kevin Coolidge

The crush of gravel and the whine of a fan belt announce that the wife is home. It’s almost March, and time to get the car inspected, and that means another oil change. Hope that car holds together a little longer. At least until I get it paid off.

She’s stopping at the store after her appointment. So, I pull on my boots to help carry in the groceries. I sure hope she got pork chops. I open the door.

“Honey! I’m pregnant!”

“Uh, what’s for dinner?”

When a woman discovers she is pregnant, she often accepts the pregnancy as soon as it is confirmed. She has dreamt of becoming a mother since she was a girl. She is thinking of the new life within her—a baby with ten fingers and ten toes. A man might not be thinking of that at all.

Acceptance is a major emotional task for a new dad throughout the pregnancy. First, he must accept the reality of the baby. He cannot see, feel, or touch this new life at first, and it can be a difficult task.

One man who know this is Hogan Hilling. He’s the founder of Proud Dads, Inc., a consulting firm to improve support services for dads, and the author of Rattled: What He’s Thinking When You’re Pregnant.

He understands that men and women view and react to pregnancy differently. Often the anxieties of becoming a dad can take the initial joy out of the pregnancy. It can be overwhelming. Are you prepared? Are the finances in order? How about all the things that can go wrong? A man is not as well prepared for parenthood as a woman. He has spent his childhood preparing for work, and not necessarily for being a father.

Men may find it hard to connect with an unborn baby and don’t understand the permanent connection a woman has with the baby. It’s physically impossible. A woman cannot remove herself from the pregnancy. She is always emotionally and physically there, but a man can escape by leaving the house, or spending more time at work.

The transition into fatherhood may be a slow progression. A man needs time to accept the profound responsibility of becoming a new dad. With every heartbeat heard, with the ultrasound firmly in grasp, with the feel of his wife’s swelling belly beneath his hand. Each day, the new identity comes closer to reality.

Your husband may be excited, but also flooded with worries. He may not react the way you think he should. Try giving him the space to experience the pregnancy in his own way. What he is feeling is as normal as the joy you feel in becoming a mom. He’s just going to need time to catch up. This needs to be about you and him. So, instead of you being pregnant, it can be the two of you having a baby…

Honey, I’m pregnant? Or You are going to be a dad? Drop me an email at from_my_shelf@yahoo.com and let me know. Running late? Miss a past column? Get it at http://frommyshelf.blogspot.com Going to need a children’s book? Check out “Hobo Finds A Home” a book about cat that wanted more than life on the farm…