The Theoretical Minimum

Kevin Coolidge

Good news--creating microscopic black holes using a particle accelerator requires even less energy than previously thought. With my very own atom smasher, I could create wormholes*, prove the existence of extra dimensions, travel through time and space and explore the multiverse**. I’ve done the math, and according to my calculations these mini black holes would probably be too small to consume any significant amount of matter—New Jersey, plus a Philly suburb or two, tops.

The problem is that I haven’t really used trigonometry since high school. Although that’s not completely true. I did just use it in a sentence, but it’s been sum time. Basically, building a cyclotron*** is a little more difficult than I thought. It does make me wish I had taken physics instead of basket weaving, but there’s still time. I just picked up a copy of The Theoretical Minimum by Leonard Susskind and George Hrabovsky.

I’m not the only one who wants to gaze upon the universe naked. As it happens, lots of people once wanted to study physics, but life got in the way. Most universities don’t allow insane villains or even responsible outsiders into classes, and for most grownups being a full-time student is not a realistic option.

This bothered George Hrabovsky. He felt there ought to be a way for people to develop their interests by interacting with active scientists, and that’s when he found out about Stanford’s Continuing Studies program. This program offers courses for people in the local nonacademic community. He thought it’d be fun to teach a course on modern physics.

Though he did enjoy it, he found that the students were not completely satisfied with a layperson’s knowledge of physics. Several had a bit of background—a little physics, rusty calculus, and experience with solving technical problems. They wanted to learn the real thing—with equations.

The result was a series of courses intended to teach students modern physics and cosmology. He did this by using the theoretical minimum, which he defines as just what you need in order to proceed to the next level. It’s not fat textbooks, but thin books that explain everything important. If you are determined to learn physics for real. The authors get directly to the important points that you are going to need to study more advanced topics. Now let’s begin with classical mechanics…

*in theory, a wormhole is a feature of spacetime that could act as a shortcut between two distant places, much like a bridge. It’d really cut down on commute time. If it didn’t eat the planet first.
**Our universe may not be the only one out there. In fact, it could be just one of an infinite number making up a “multiverse” Imagine, somewhere out there is a timeline in which the dominant mammals are otters…
***A type of particle accelerator in which charged particles accelerate outward from the center along a spiral path, theoretically cramming enough energy together at high velocity to generate a black hole and help me open the door to the multiverse.

Unfortunately, particle accelerators are also rather expensive. Please help a budding mad scientist by sending your contribution to the “Evil League of Evil,” attention Dr. Faustus. Include a self-addressed stamped envelope and I’ll send you a limited edition, foil card featuring me, with my sidekick Hobo, the crazy lab cat…