The Hobo Handbook

Kevin Coolidge



Driving the same route to work. Parking in the same spot. Eating at the same places. The daily grind has finally ground me down. If I have to listen to my boss yak about his weekend one more time, I’m going to stab myself in the eye just to see if he’ll shut up, and ask why I’m not answering the phone.

Taking stock of my life, I wonder how I became so complacent. Why did I ever buy into the bills, the stupid landlord, alarm clocks, parking tickets, and the damn IRS? There has to be something better out there.

The open road calls. I hear its sweet, seductive whisper as I swallow the last of my espresso. Ahhh, caffeine is civilization. Beer may have got it brewing, but we can thank dancing goats for getting us past the Bronze Age*. It’s so obvious. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. I’ll quit my job. Cut up my credit cards, and become a hobo. I see the future. I can feel the rush of fresh air against my face as I gaze at the scenery rushing by the open door, but as the air conditioning clicks off, I find I have some questions. Where do I begin???

You might think the lifestyle of crossing a still-wild frontier on the rails is dead, but there is a niche for the twenty first-century hobo. Modern-days tramps are more likely to find a temporary job on Craiglist while sipping a latte paid with a debit card than brewing a pot of cowboy coffee over a small campfire, and might catch a Greyhound instead of a freight train**. Enter The Hobo Handbook: A Field Guide to Living by Your Own Rules written by Josh Mack. This book is a guide for taking your life on the road. Learn how to set up camp, find some work, catch some food, grab some transport, and when the time comes, how to sleep in a ditch.

Where did the original “hobos” come from? The first American hobo came with the end of the Civil War. Two Union soldiers found themselves far from home, and decided hopping a passing freight train was the fastest way back. They beat their friends home and soon other soldiers followed. President Lincoln had authorized the first transcontinental railroad, and as the tracks surged West, men followed—riding the rails while finding work building, repairing, and maintaining them. The railroads were initially happy to provide transport.

On the road again, you might decide that you’ve found your true calling, or you may be saying, “Well, that was a terrible idea. My job may suck, but I get to go home at 5pm, and a little rent once a month doesn’t sound so bad, I guess,” and return to your regularly scheduled life. Either way, the road called, and you answered…

*It is said that an Ethiopian goat herder discovered coffee while looking for his goats. Goats ate the berries, and the coffee break was invented.

**Hopping a freight train is illegal, but even worse, it’s incredibly dangerous. It’s estimated that from 1929 to 1939 more than 24,000 people were killed. Maybe you should take the bus.

Hobo? Tramp? Or just bumming around? Email me a from_my_shelf@yahoo.com and let me know. Miss a past column? Next time you have public access just go to http://frommyshelf.blogspot .com and read your fill. Hobo, the cat used to be a tramp, but now he’s just a bookstore bum. It’s a nice gig if you can get it. Stop by and see for yourself…