I Could Pee on This

Kevin Coolidge


A heap of fur leaps onto my desk and plops in front of the keyboard. Of course, it’s time to write my column. Hobo, the cat, always seems to know this, and he’s here to supervise. Unfortunately, he’s not nearly as helpful as he thinks. I don’t know what to write about, and he’s not giving suggestions. He doesn’t do that. It’s my job.

It should be easy. I read every day. Sometimes, when I’m really busy, it’s just ten or fifteen minutes before bed, but I’m always reading something. Actually, I’m one of those people that are usually reading at least four books, sometimes more. He’s some of what I’m reading right now.

Monster Hunter Legion by Larry Correia: This book is the fourth in the series that started with Monster Hunter International. I discovered Larry’s book in 2007 when it was still only a self-published novel. Self-publishing doesn’t have to mean vanity publishing, because sometimes other people really do want to read it, and they aren’t saying that just to be nice.

In the Monster Hunter series, it turns out monsters exist, and there is good money to be made killing them. Enter Monster Hunter International (MHI), remarkable group of misfits that has banded together. They do more than dare to raise a candle to the darkness. They pack napalm-fed flame-throwers and lots of firepower. There’s specialized body armor, big guns with unusual ammunition, and bloodsucking fiends. You’ll also find some likable, well-developed heroes that bleed and a full-speed action that’s funny as all Hades.

In this latest installment, the staff of MHI is in Las Vegas to attend the first annual International Conference of Monster Hunting Professionals. A great opportunity to network with all the supernaturally attuned organizations and the best buffets, but a creature left over from a World War Two weapons experiment wakes up and goes on a rampage proving that what happens in Vegas, doesn’t always stay in Vegas….

Then, there’s I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats, by Francesco Marciuliano: I’m not a fan of poetry. I seldom read it. I often skip it when my favorite authors insert it into their prose, begging me to read it. Dying to prove that people still read poetry. I almost always skip it so that I can get back to the good stuff. I do, however, appreciate that some subjects are better expressed in verse form.

Cats are natural poets—quiet, focused, and a little lazy. It’s only natural that felines would express themselves through free verse rather than longer literary works. Sometimes a few words do paint a larger canvas.

If you have a cat, you’ve been woken up early for the morning feeding, or accidentally stepped on your present of dead rodent. Francesco has, and his poetry reveals the true artistic and neurotic genius that all cats possess. The science fiction writer Robert Heinlein once wrote, “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” I guess you have your answer to why dogs are man’s best friend…Dogs are possessions. Cats have personnel…

The Walking Dead graphic novel series by Robert Kirkman: I just finished watching the second season of the Walking Dead on DVD. It’s not just gratuitous violence, but truly a character-driven drama that carries an undercurrent of social commentary, and yeah-- there’s zombies.

It’s an adaptation from the graphic novel series, but there are some departures, and it’s one of the few times that I think the visual medium is an improvement. Mostly because the graphic novel is used almost as a storyboard, and the actors, director, and writers are able to further develop some of the characters I both love to hate and hate to love. There are a lot of zombie movies out there, but they always end. What happens next? With the Walking Dead you get to see the morning after, and the morning after that…

I didn’t know where to begin, and now I don’t know where to end. I’m almost out of room and I didn’t tell you about the book of short stories almost finished on my nightstand, or the audio book I’ve been listening to when I’ve been lifting weights in the garage. I didn’t have time to mention the book I’m reading that claims learning to cook was the hinge on which human evolution turned. I guess I have plenty to read and write about after all…

Too much to read, or not enough time to read them all? Email me at from_my_shelf@yahoo.com and let me know!