Stop Pretending You Don't Know About Mental Illness

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I saved this column, so I could post it in conjunction with other "Blogs for Mental Health", many of whom were to post all together on May 15.... then I missed May 15. I can only blame this a little bit on my own mental health issues: I do get more easily tired than "normal" (whatever that is) people my age who do not deal with mental health issues. I have limited energy, and a tendency to go into a certain sensory overload sooner than other people do. But, as I have learned over the years, we ALL have limits on our energy. We are, almost to a person, in this modern age ALL dealing with sensory overload. So, I'll just say, I got a little behind this week, and forgive myself for not posting it until a little window of space opened up for me at the end of the week. It's the dose of "so what?" that helps my mental health most of all.

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I was thinking I’d write this week’s column on Antoine St. Exupery’s classic “children’s” book, The Little Prince, which celebrates its 70th year of being printed in English, as of April 6. I adore The Little Prince, and I have more than enough to say about this lovely collection of parables. I have also been considering, for some time, reviewing Sonya Sones’ young adult book, Stop Pretending: What Happened When My Big Sister Went Crazy. I’ve hesitated to do the review of Sones’ book because it hits more than close to home and I don’t let myself go wandering into certain dark corners often. I maintain the level of health I currently enjoy because I keep myself focused on not the peaks or the valleys of my life, but on as happy a medium as I can.

And then came the national news headlines: Friday morning, April 5, 2013, Rick Warren’s youngest son, Matthew, took his own life at the age of 27. Rick Warren is one of the founding members of the “megachurch” movement in the United States, where churches seek to become more like a campus and an entire life-center for their congregants. Through his bestselling book, The Purpose Driven Life, and through his church in Saddleback, CA, Pastor Rick Warren’s mission has been to translate the Gospel of the more traditional, evangelical church into a modern style that might reach wider audiences. In the first news headlines, church staff shared that Matthew’s suicide came after a lifetime struggle with mental illness, severe bouts of depression, mood instability, and suicidal thoughts. Matthew’s friends describe him as a man who was often effervescent, outgoing, and brilliant, but who was also regularly debilitated by excruciating emotional pain and dark holes of depression. Ten years ago, after another treatment attempt provided no relief, Matthew told his father that he just wished his earthly suffering was over. Reverend Warren, though infinitely saddened to lose his son now, is proud that Matthew was brave enough to hold on for another ten years. Warren explained that his son’s mental illness, despite all the best treatments and prayers that modern medicine and his faith could offer, was never completely under control.

The first time I was hospitalized in a psychiatric unit, I was nineteen. My younger siblings were seventeen and eleven, respectively. My family and I were able to pretend a lot longer and more frequently than author Sonya Sones and her family. The only symptoms we dealt with for a long time were the bouts of depression. When it became apparent over the years that my illness involved more than the occasional depressive episode, I still only stopped being too stubborn to interrupt my “normal” life so that I could actually properly deal with my illness when I got too sick to pretend otherwise. This was not the case for Sonya Sones, a story which she shares in Stop Pretending. When Sonya was thirteen and her sister was nineteen, Sonya’s sister had a full-fledged, break-with-reality, seemingly out-of-the-blue nervous breakdown. The family was shocked, devastated, and, for the six months that her sister was in the psychiatric hospital, nearly nonfunctional themselves. During most of this time, Sonya kept journals, but it was only many years later that she began to share these experiences from her early teen years with other writers.

In a Master Class with poet Myra Cohn Livingston, Sonya was encouraged to go deeper and to share more of the feelings, memories, and events from “what happened when [her] big sister went crazy.” What emerged was a collection of poems which speak clearly and profoundly of how families are affected when one member falls gravely or suddenly ill. The poems in Stop Pretending allow the reader to touch on painful, intense subjects without getting mired down completely. Many of Sones’ poems are short, packing a tremendous array of hope, despair, jealousy, anger, sadness, discomfort, and anxiety into less than 250 words per page. In doing so, Sones has given other teens, indeed other families, permission to speak more openly about the experience of mental illness.
When Sonya Sones’s fellow writers and her mentor first encouraged her to seek publication, Sonya wasn’t sure how exposed her sister would feel. She was afraid of upsetting her sister by sharing these feelings in their rawest form. Instead, Sonya’s sister told her she was pleased and proud that Sonya was taking this opportunity to help other people talk about mental illness. I, as the older sister in a similar story to Sonya’s, would re-iterate the same message. Discussions of mental illness need not be hidden in dark corners for shame, but instead shared in the light of validation and love, which may not always bring a cure, but can definitely bring healing.

Hobo & I want to remind Tioga County that there’s a new NAMI support group in the area. NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. The weekly meeting for the Tioga Chapter is Wednesday nights at the First Presbyterian Church in Wellsboro, except the last Wednesday of each month, when the meeting is held at the St. James Apartments in Mansfield. FMI: contact 570-439-1417

Kilt Dead in Maine

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(Written, obviously, in the beginning of January 2013)

The first week in January, I finished reading one of the best novels I’ve read in the past six months. Sure, I’ve read a lot of books since last summer, and most of them have been enjoyable, even excellent reads. But I’ve been exclaiming about Emma Donoghue’s Room ever since I started it; even more so when I finished it.

There are, however, a couple of good reasons why I won’t be reviewing Room in this week’s column. The book club at the bookstore doesn’t meet until the evening of Tuesday, January 22nd, so I don’t want to tell everyone my opinions this far out. I don’t want to give spoilers or unduly influence other members’ experience of reading the book. Also, as I type this column on Sunday night, the 13th (why, no, editor, I don’t write my columns at the last minute! Whatever makes you think I’d procrastinate like that?), there is still a week and a half to tempt other folks to read Room and join us at this month’s meeting. I guarantee you’ll fly through the pages of this book: even if you are just reading this column on Thursday or Friday just before the book club meeting, I’m certain you can finish Room in a weekend. It is that compelling.

Nevertheless, it still being obvious how much I wavered in my decision, I finally asked my husband and bookstore business partner – the person best for me when bouncing around both personal and “professional” book reviews – “which should I do this week’s column on, Room by Emma Donoghue, or those Scottish mysteries by Kaitlyn Dunnett?” Knowing my enthusiastic response to both authors, and the possibilities for discussing each, Kevin didn’t hesitate. “The Dunnett mysteries,” he answered, “because they’re more fun. Besides, you can always do a review on Room later, after the book club meeting.”

And that is why, loyal readers, you’ll have to take a teaser on Room, and hear about how much I have enjoyed Kaitlyn Dunnett’s cozy mystery series about the little western Maine town of Moosetookalook and its charming cast of characters. At the ripe old age of twenty-seven, Liss MacCrimmon finds her career as a professional dancer cut short when she severely injures her knee. Though surgery guarantees she will walk normally again, Liss can never risk going back to dancing the high-impact Scottish folk dances of her troupe, Strathspey (think Riverdance, only the heritage of the Scots, not the Irish). Now instead of touring the U.S. as the lead dancer fifty weeks out of the year, Liss returns home to her small town in Maine, to continue to heal up and decide what comes next. In the meantime, she’ll work in her Aunt Margaret’s shop, the Scottish Emporium, purveyors of custom-order kilts, beautiful tartan fabrics, shortbread, canned haggis, Celtic jewelry, books on Scotland, and many niche gifts. Though Tandy’s Music Shop takes care of major musical instruments, including the bagpipes, the Scottish Emporium does have practice chanters, pennywhistles, and drumsticks. They even sell the sgian dubh, the small, traditional “black dagger” of the Scots.

While the sgian dubh is not the murder weapon used in the first book, Kilt Dead, it does make a gruesome appearance in The Corpse Wore Tartan, the fourth book in the series, when the Scottish Heritage Appreciation Society hosts their annual Burns Night Dinner at the Spruces, a resort overlooking Moosetookalook. Liss’s boyfriend, Dan Ruskin, and his family, have slaved to re-open the old-fashioned resort, hoping to bring more tourism to their area. Having the Robert Burns Dinner scheduled there over a winter weekend is a great foray into the kind of business they hope to attract, especially since the dinner is an annual event. But the staff at the Spruces notices right away that Scottish Heritage Appreciation Society has a shared history beyond Scottish ancestry, and, before you know it, a fresh body is found in a storage room, throat apparently slit with his own sgian dubh. In true Agatha Christie style, a huge snowstorm blows in, trapping all the guests at the hotel for several days, without electricity and with a murderer in their midst.

It’s no surprise that Liss is often getting herself in the midst of “work better left to professional detectives, Ms. MacCrimmon,” since she adores murder mysteries, shying away from the forensic stories, but loving the amateur sleuths. Liss, her friend Angie (who runs the local bookstore), and all the small business owners of Moosetookalook are thrilled when the Spruces hosts a mystery writers’ conference in Scotched. Sadly, a famous writer falls to her death at the local lovers’ leap, and the circumstances are too strange not to ask questions.

In many ways a typical “cozy” mystery series, but with plenty of Maine local color and a fresh idea with the addition of Scottish-American heritage theme, Liss MacCrimmon and the gang are a welcome new act in the crowded field of fun, light mysteries.

The Hobo Handbook

Kevin Coolidge



Driving the same route to work. Parking in the same spot. Eating at the same places. The daily grind has finally ground me down. If I have to listen to my boss yak about his weekend one more time, I’m going to stab myself in the eye just to see if he’ll shut up, and ask why I’m not answering the phone.

Taking stock of my life, I wonder how I became so complacent. Why did I ever buy into the bills, the stupid landlord, alarm clocks, parking tickets, and the damn IRS? There has to be something better out there.

The open road calls. I hear its sweet, seductive whisper as I swallow the last of my espresso. Ahhh, caffeine is civilization. Beer may have got it brewing, but we can thank dancing goats for getting us past the Bronze Age*. It’s so obvious. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. I’ll quit my job. Cut up my credit cards, and become a hobo. I see the future. I can feel the rush of fresh air against my face as I gaze at the scenery rushing by the open door, but as the air conditioning clicks off, I find I have some questions. Where do I begin???

You might think the lifestyle of crossing a still-wild frontier on the rails is dead, but there is a niche for the twenty first-century hobo. Modern-days tramps are more likely to find a temporary job on Craiglist while sipping a latte paid with a debit card than brewing a pot of cowboy coffee over a small campfire, and might catch a Greyhound instead of a freight train**. Enter The Hobo Handbook: A Field Guide to Living by Your Own Rules written by Josh Mack. This book is a guide for taking your life on the road. Learn how to set up camp, find some work, catch some food, grab some transport, and when the time comes, how to sleep in a ditch.

Where did the original “hobos” come from? The first American hobo came with the end of the Civil War. Two Union soldiers found themselves far from home, and decided hopping a passing freight train was the fastest way back. They beat their friends home and soon other soldiers followed. President Lincoln had authorized the first transcontinental railroad, and as the tracks surged West, men followed—riding the rails while finding work building, repairing, and maintaining them. The railroads were initially happy to provide transport.

On the road again, you might decide that you’ve found your true calling, or you may be saying, “Well, that was a terrible idea. My job may suck, but I get to go home at 5pm, and a little rent once a month doesn’t sound so bad, I guess,” and return to your regularly scheduled life. Either way, the road called, and you answered…

*It is said that an Ethiopian goat herder discovered coffee while looking for his goats. Goats ate the berries, and the coffee break was invented.

**Hopping a freight train is illegal, but even worse, it’s incredibly dangerous. It’s estimated that from 1929 to 1939 more than 24,000 people were killed. Maybe you should take the bus.

Hobo? Tramp? Or just bumming around? Email me a from_my_shelf@yahoo.com and let me know. Miss a past column? Next time you have public access just go to http://frommyshelf.blogspot .com and read your fill. Hobo, the cat used to be a tramp, but now he’s just a bookstore bum. It’s a nice gig if you can get it. Stop by and see for yourself…

He Fell From a Star

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This month marks the 70th anniversary for the publication of The Little Prince, by French author, Antoine de Saint-Exupery. St-Exupery’s life, writing, and death have fascinated people for all these years: the story behind the story is just as interesting as the plots of his most well-loved works.

“St-Ex” was a little too old to be a war pilot (although this didn’t stop him) when the Nazi regime swept across Europe. Born in 1900, St-Exupery learned to fly with the generation of pilots who sought to fly longer distances, faster, across large sections of the globe. These pilots – including Charles Lindbergh and Amelia Earhart – flew more with guts and intuition than with instrumentation. St-Exupery was a pioneer of international postal flight—-the original “Aeropostale” for all you modern mall shoppers. Through the late 1920s, St-Exupery innovated and developed these mail routes connecting Europe, Africa, and South America. While participating in the Paris-to-Saigon air race in December of 1935, he and his mechanic-navigator crashed in the Saraha Desert and miraculously survived.

In the beginning of World War II in Europe, St-Exupery joined the French Air Force, but exiled himself when France surrendered to German occupation in 1940. The author-aviator-aristocrat spent the next three years in the US., encouraging Americans to enter the war, and writing some of his most famous pieces – including The Little Prince.

The Little Prince is one of the best-selling books of all time, making the list of the few titles that have sold over 100 million copies (current stats put it at about 140 million copies sold). Although there are many book series that have sold between 50 and 100 million copies, there are very few single titles that populate this esteemed list. Part of the reason for these staggering numbers of sales is that The Little Prince has been translated into more than 250 languages and dialects. Furthermore, in many countries, The Little Prince has gone through several translations – there have been six English translations, fifteen translations in Japanese, and more than fifty translations into Chinese.

Strangely enough, The Little Prince was not well-received by many of St-Exupery’s contemporary admirers. He was known for his tales of life as a pilot, in such books as Wind, Sand and Stars, for which he won the U.S.’s National Book Award. Though The Little Prince is the story of a pilot who crashes in the Saraha Desert, it was marketed as a children’s book, with its fantastical plot of the little prince from a far-away asteroid who meets the downed pilot in the desert. The strange mix of parables, talking animals, and pessimistic commentary on adult behaviors and cultural mores, didn’t appeal to the audience that St-Exupery had built. Nevertheless, it was published posthumously to growing acclaim, and, obviously, continues to charm generations around the world.

Though superior officers, friends, and concerned colleagues tried to permanently ground St-Exupery several times, citing his age, his health problems from earlier crashes, and his tendency to focus more on musing above the earth rather than on flying, St-Exupery continued flying missions for the Free French Air Force from 1943 through 1944. Adding to mystery to his legend, he took off from the southern coast of France on a reconnaissance mission in July 1944, when he was to gather information about German troop movements in the Rhone Valley, prior to a planned Ally invasion of that area. St-Exupery and his “war-weary” plane disappeared in stormy weather over the Mediterranean not long into his flight. There were no further clues to the mysterious end of an author who has himself become an icon of France until 1998, when a fisherman found a silver ID bracelet engraved with the names of St-Exupery, his wife, and his French publishing house – known to have been on his flight suit. In 2000, a diver found parts of the same make and model as St-Exupery’s, spread on the Mediterranean floor near the location of the bracelet.

I can tell you “the story behind the story”, but the question remains, why is The Little Prince so beloved? For decades, authors and publishers have wished that they could repeat the formula, that they could somehow bottle the charm, the lessons, the inspiration, that comes from less than 100 pages of a “children’s story.” Ultimately, to solve this mystery of the life and impact of Antoine St-Exupery, you will have to read The Little Prince for yourself.

Massage for Dummies

Kevin Coolidge

Have you ever had a massage? My first massage was from a girl friend. My back was stiff and sore from too much overtime and not enough sleep. She had gotten one of those how-to videos in the mail, and wanted to try some of the massage techniques. I’m not sure of the right word to use, but incredible will suffice. I could feel my stress drain away.

She wasn’t a professional massage therapist. She didn’t have a lot of training, but I felt the relief of muscle tension right away. Massage has many benefits. It increases circulation, which helps promote the healing of tissues and raises immune efficiency, reduces levels of stress, and can greatly improve your health and wellness

If you’d like to learn how soothe stress and reduce pain, you can read Massage for Dummies, written by licensed massage therapist Steve Capellini. This book has numerous step-by-step, hands-on photos and illustrations. You too can learn the basics and give and receive a therapeutic massage.

There are hundred of types of massage practiced around the world, from using wooden spoons to hit pressure points, a specialty of the Mongol hordes, to Rolfing, a form of structural bodywork that is quite intense*. These different styles of massage are called modalities, and most massage therapists today are trained in several.

There’s a chapter to help you choose the right style for you, learn some massage jargon, and how to choose a massage therapist. That’s right, one of the best ways to learn massage is to get massage. Most massage schools require students to have received a professional massage before applying.

According to the American Massage Therapy Association, only about 20% of Americans have received a professional massage. The biggest barrier for most people is that they don’t know what to expect. I didn’t. I would have found the information in this chapter very useful before I received my first professional massage.

You will find you will get more out of the massage if you know what you are hoping to achieve. People generally decide to get massage to relax, to feel better, or to improve the body’s functioning. Often, it’s a combination of all three. Letting your massage therapist know this can help you get the most out of your massage.

You can also get more out of your massage if you do a little planning. It’s best not to eat a large meal or consume alcohol before. I also don’t suggest wearing a lot of jewelry. This can eat into your massage time. An hour massage includes time before and after the massage to prepare. It usually leaves 50 minutes on the table. It’s also impossible to perform a proper effleurage** with a necklace in the way.

If you want to perform massage, Steve writes about working with massage oils, if you should invest in a massage table, or just use the floor, and attending to the comfort of your recipient. Body temperature usually drops during a massage, even the most warm-blooded cool when receiving massage, and it’s hard to relax if you’re shivering.

In chapter ten you’ll learn some of the basic massage moves and how to put them together to perform an actual massage. Massage is more a series of techniques, but a flow in which you don’t concentrate on techniques so much as focus on the feel and the movement.

Did massage change my life? I did go on to experience several professional massages, and eventually I enrolled in the Boulder School of Massage Therapy and became a trained and certified massage therapist. Massage helped get back in touch with what matters. Life matters. Health matters. People matter…

*I personally have received all ten Rolfing sessions, and exquisitely painful might be a better word choice here.
** A fancy French word meaning, “to skim” It’s a massage stroke used in Swedish massage used to prepare the muscle for deeper work.

Get rubbed the right way? Or Thanks, but I don’t knead it? Email me at from_my_shelf@yahoo.com and let me know. Miss a past column? Take a breath and relax. They are all available at http://frommyshelf.blogspot.com Hobo is a CMF. Certified Massage Feline. Stop by and he’ll train you to rub him the right way. Don’t forget the ears…

The Ultimate Man’s Survival Guide

Kevin Coolidge


The rite of passage, the transition from boy to man—a Spartan would be torn from his mother and forced to make his way in the wilderness. The bravest Cheyenne warriors would rouse a sleeping grizzly and then outrun the bear, or be mauled to death. Today this transition is subtler, more often marked by ages than feats.

You can smoke and gamble at eighteen. You can drink at twenty-one. Alcohol, tobacco, and playing blackjack are considered manly things, but it won’t turn a boy into a man. How do we become men when there’s no test to pass? Despite the lack of rite of passage, every male strives to be a man.

There’s more to being a man than fighting, drinking, and fornication. There’s being a father, a husband, a good friend, and a citizen. It’s keeping your own counsel and knowing when to seek advice. It’s knowing when to keep your mouth shut, but not being afraid to speak. It means standing your ground and finding your path even if there is no guide.

Luckily, there is a guide and that guide is The Ultimate Man’s Survival Guide written by Frank Minter. It’s a must-have guide on how to hunt, fish, shoot, survive in the wild, and everything else a man should know. Including the riddle that befuddles the most manly of men, “What do women want?”

Frank Sinatra, who had a Ph.D. on the subject of women, didn’t know, and the man who invented psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, never was able to answer it, but Minter knows. His chapter 6 titled “Romantic” is loaded with advice from women and the time-tested skills of ultimate romantics—such as Lord Byron and the Bard.

Minter divides his book into different parts labeled for modern archetypes*. In “Survivor,” there’s everything from fighting off a bear to meeting your water needs. In “Provider”, you’ll learn something about guns, shooting, and hunting, and in “Athlete,” you’ll learn how to throw the perfect pass and why a jab is better than a roundhouse.

A modern hero needs to be able to hold, feed, and change a baby, and to respond to a car accident. With this book, you can also learn how to buy and smoke a cigar. You can run with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, and be able to live to talk about it over a properly mixed drink. A drink slowly savored and not gulped, because a drink among friends should be a bonding experience, not drunken debauchery.

According to Frank Minter every male must learn to be a man as best he can. This knowledge isn’t written in our genetic codes. Being a man is not just courage, intellect, and brawn. Training shapes a soldier, a poet, and a boxer. Knowledge instills confidence. Understanding breeds self-reliance, and The Ultimate Man’s Survival Guide packs a whole lot of assuredness between the covers of a book. Chances are you’ll learn something you didn’t know. So pick one up for yourself, your son, your nephew and your niece…

*An archetype is a universally understood symbol or pattern of behavior and is often used in myths and storytelling telling across different cultures.

Speak softly? Carry a big stick? Or Both? Email me at from_my_shelf@yahoo.com and let me know. Miss a past column? You can search them out for yourself at http://frommyshelf.blogspot.com Hobo was a kitten who grew to be a cat. His journey is the hero’s journey, but it’s cute and short and colorful, and you can read about it in “Hobo Finds A Home” Hobo—warrior, king, fool…

The Theoretical Minimum

Kevin Coolidge

Good news--creating microscopic black holes using a particle accelerator requires even less energy than previously thought. With my very own atom smasher, I could create wormholes*, prove the existence of extra dimensions, travel through time and space and explore the multiverse**. I’ve done the math, and according to my calculations these mini black holes would probably be too small to consume any significant amount of matter—New Jersey, plus a Philly suburb or two, tops.

The problem is that I haven’t really used trigonometry since high school. Although that’s not completely true. I did just use it in a sentence, but it’s been sum time. Basically, building a cyclotron*** is a little more difficult than I thought. It does make me wish I had taken physics instead of basket weaving, but there’s still time. I just picked up a copy of The Theoretical Minimum by Leonard Susskind and George Hrabovsky.

I’m not the only one who wants to gaze upon the universe naked. As it happens, lots of people once wanted to study physics, but life got in the way. Most universities don’t allow insane villains or even responsible outsiders into classes, and for most grownups being a full-time student is not a realistic option.

This bothered George Hrabovsky. He felt there ought to be a way for people to develop their interests by interacting with active scientists, and that’s when he found out about Stanford’s Continuing Studies program. This program offers courses for people in the local nonacademic community. He thought it’d be fun to teach a course on modern physics.

Though he did enjoy it, he found that the students were not completely satisfied with a layperson’s knowledge of physics. Several had a bit of background—a little physics, rusty calculus, and experience with solving technical problems. They wanted to learn the real thing—with equations.

The result was a series of courses intended to teach students modern physics and cosmology. He did this by using the theoretical minimum, which he defines as just what you need in order to proceed to the next level. It’s not fat textbooks, but thin books that explain everything important. If you are determined to learn physics for real. The authors get directly to the important points that you are going to need to study more advanced topics. Now let’s begin with classical mechanics…

*in theory, a wormhole is a feature of spacetime that could act as a shortcut between two distant places, much like a bridge. It’d really cut down on commute time. If it didn’t eat the planet first.
**Our universe may not be the only one out there. In fact, it could be just one of an infinite number making up a “multiverse” Imagine, somewhere out there is a timeline in which the dominant mammals are otters…
***A type of particle accelerator in which charged particles accelerate outward from the center along a spiral path, theoretically cramming enough energy together at high velocity to generate a black hole and help me open the door to the multiverse.

Unfortunately, particle accelerators are also rather expensive. Please help a budding mad scientist by sending your contribution to the “Evil League of Evil,” attention Dr. Faustus. Include a self-addressed stamped envelope and I’ll send you a limited edition, foil card featuring me, with my sidekick Hobo, the crazy lab cat…

The Ten Commandments of …Comedy

Kevin Coolidge

Remember when fast food used to be fast? It’d be a whole lot faster if the cashier wouldn’t inspect my $20 so freakin’ hard. If I were talented enough to make my own money, I wouldn’t be eating here….

Surprise is so essential to comedy that if there isn’t a twist or surprise, it isn’t funny. Timing is important. You want to give the audience time to start thinking of a punch line. Drop it too soon, and they won’t be there. Drop it too late, and they’ll be gone. Pull it at the right time—surprise!

There are several techniques for generating this surprise. One device is misdirection. Lead them in one direction and then suddenly flip.

Take my wife…please

This classic one-liner at first leads the audience to believe that the comic is saying “Let’s use my wife as an example.” Then with the final word, he lets his listeners know that he is pleading for someone to actually take his wife.

Shock is another technique for creating surprise. Insults or gross language fall into this category. Some comics use obscenities because listeners are surprised, and it can get laughs, but you need to think of the commandment: “Remember the Audience.”

Every humorist needs an audience. Humor requires laughter. The audience must appreciate the humor. A funny joke is not funny if the audience doesn’t agree. Part of being a good humorist is to give them what they want to hear.

It doesn’t mean pandering to an audience. You shouldn’t change your standards to cater to an audience’s philosophy, but you want to avoid offending by excluding material that isn’t going to get any laughs.

Remember your job as a comic is to get laughs. If your material isn’t producing any, then maybe you need to learn more about your audience. You can gear material to a particular audience when working in a specific locale. Knowing what the people of the town or city are concerned with at the time can boost audience response.

There are fundamentals that control the effectiveness of comedy. Gene Perret has chosen to call them The Ten Commandments of Comedy. It’s gimmicky, but it gets your attention. You can ignore the threat from above and risk Armageddon, or you can read this book, analyze your material, and reap you reward.

Rules, regulations—you may disagree with them. They don’t apply to you, but humor is serious business. You can’t make a career as a comedy writer, performer, or a public speaker just because your friends think you’re funny.

Anything that works does so because it follows principles that make it work and comedy is no different. Comedy is a creative art, but it helps if you know the precepts that govern humor. You can add variation, creativity, and depth to your routine. Break those rules and you can keep your day job; follow Gene’s advice and you can always leave ‘em laughing…

Laugh last? Or laugh best? Email me at from_my_shelf@yahoo.com and let me know. Miss a past column? Get your stitches on at http:frommyshelf.blogspot.com Need some comedy relief? Cat like grace is for the dogs. Come see Hobo, the cat comedian—specializing in pratfalls, sword swallowing, and chain saw juggling…

The Wolf Takes the Stand

Kevin Coolidge



“Your Honor, I’d like to call Canis lupus to the stand.”

“Oh, that’s me,” said the Big Bad Wolf, loping past the court reporter. “That’s my Latin name. Just call me Wolf. Everybody does.”

“Mr. Wolf. You stand accused of the murder of Grandma, and the violation of Red Riding Hood. How do you plead?”

“I’d like to state for the record that I am not guilty.”

“Mr. Wolf, it is widely known that you are a killer.”

“I’m a apex predator, the very top of my trophic level. That refers to my position in the food chain.

“So, you are not a herbivore, Mr. Wolf?”

“No, I don’t eat plants. I’m a meat eater, a carnivore.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, as I stated, the wolf is designed to kill. I refer to exhibit A, the canine teeth--sharp and pointed; adapted to puncturing, slashing, and clinging. The teeth even “interlock” to grip and hang on to struggling prey. Also, Exhibit B, the back teeth, or carnassial molars, are designed to crush bones and shear meat.”

“It may sound violent,” yelped Wolf, “but I’m actually pretty docile and have an aversion to fighting. Predation is not an act of violence. It is the act of obtaining food for survival. I did state for the record that I eat meat. I prefer moose or caribou, but without a pack, these large game animals are too difficult.”

“I’ll also eat mice, rabbits, hare, squirrels, and chipmunks. I do prey on the weak, sick and young---which keeps herds healthy and strong. You humans, on the other hand, kill indiscriminately, often taking bucks and breeding females.”

“Humanity is not on trial here,” snarls the attorney. “Are there not cases of wolves killing humans?”

“No documented cases. My cousin the Gray Wolf did do time for an aggravated assault, and he wasn’t himself. He was a sick wolf. He had rabies.”

“Ha, so you admit that wolves will attack people!”

“He was cornered. Biting the hand of a shepherd is not mutton one. I mean, murder one.”

“So, wolves do kill livestock!”

“Wolves have been known to kill sheep or cattle. We can go days without eating, but we need meat. It’s not usually a pack, but one or two wolves. We have a bad rap sheet. Even though livestock are more often killed by feral dogs, we get framed for the carcass if a canine print is found nearby. You humans stink of death, but you can’t smell to save your life.”

“Where were you on the night that Grandma was brutally murdered?” howls the lawyer.

“I was traveling with my pack. Our territories can be hundreds of square miles. I wasn’t anywhere near there.”

“I suppose you have an alibi?” growls the lawyer.

“I was with my mate and pack. There are seven of us. Actually if the pack is too large, it is less efficient and there is less food per wolf.”

“It’s mankind that is harassing my kind. Pushing us into remote areas. Killing, blaming and pressuring--I’d like to submit a document in my defense. It is titled Of Wolves and Men written by Barry Holstun Lopez. It’s a wealth of observation, as well as mythology and mysticism, that surrounds our lives and shows an effort to understand the trials wolves have faced.”

“Someone must pay for this slaughter!” yowls the prosecutor, as he wildly gestures to the court room. “Are not wolves associated with danger and destruction? Does death not follow in his wake?!”

“Is it just me or is it hot in here?” the prosecutor then exclaims, ripping open his shirt, exposing a heaving chest dark with coarse hair. “Your Honor, I respectively request a recess so that I may devour the jury…”

The strength of the wolf is the pack? Or the strength of the pack is the wolf? Email me at from_my_shelf@yahoo.com and give me your verdict. Ravenous for past columns? Follow my lead and go to http://frommyshelf,blogspot,com Hobo is actually a wolf in cat’s clothing. Stop by and I’ll show you his zipper…

Grow Your Own Drugs

Kevin Coolidge


I’m hot, achy, and my head hurts—I’m not sure if it’s a cold, flu, or that those leftovers in the back of the fridge. I do know I need drugs. Lots of drugs. Drugs that I wished I could grow myself, because it’s not like I can go into a drugstore and have someone give them to me for free.

It’s a been a long winter and a tough flu season, but spring is coming. Now is a great time to prepare to grow the drugs I need myself. This is why I chose to read Grow Your Own Drugs by James Wong. It’s a provocative title, but it’s a guide to growing home remedies—legitimate remedies for a variety of ailments, ranging from sore throats, cold sores and hot flashes to hangovers, immune boosters, and beauty products.

James Wong is a trained ethnobotanist* He sees plants as more than a frivolous decoration, but rather as a living pharmacy. Traditional plant-based remedies have provided modern medicine with many of its most important drugs.

In the last few years, there’s been a surge of interest in using herbs to treat common ailments. Plant based remedies can be cheaper and less harmful than pharmaceutical drugs. This book can be a guide to help you get the most out of plants and their various properties.

It starts off explaining how to grow and harvest suitable plants in your backyard and then make them into simple, effective remedies to treat common ailments. There are over sixty recipes for teas, creams, lotions, balms, and cough syrups—all pretty easy and inexpensive.

In the second half of this book, the author gives us a wealth of information on the top 100 medicinal plants offering first-class horticultural information as well distilling the knowledge of herbal practitioners with the latest scientific findings to bring us practical and reliable information.

Most of these plants can be grown in your backyard, or windowsill, but he’s included a few exotic plants, because of their effectiveness. You might not be able to grow these yourself, but he includes where you can find these dried or in extracts.

Some home remedies can give over-the-counter medicines solid competition, but it’s important to be safe and not medicate or diagnose without seeking medical advice. This is especially important of you have an existing medical condition.

It’s always a good idea to check with a professional. It’s just as important to make sure you have identified a species correctly if you are harvesting the plants yourself. Certain plants can be quite poisonous and deadly.

Modern medicine is effective for serious conditions, but plant-based remedies can give us gentle ways to manage everyday ailments and take charge of our health and get in touch with nature. After reading this book, you’ll never look at your backyard the same way again...

*Ethnobotany: A branch of botany that studies the lore and uses of plants in folklore, religion, and healing customs of a people

Feed a fever? Or Starve a cold? Email me from_my_shelf@yahoo.com and let me know. Miss a column? Catch up on your sick days at http://frommyshelf.blogspot.com and feel better. Be sure to catch Hobo’s new book on home remedies, coming soon. He prefers chicken to fish. So you know there’s going to be some great chicken soup recipes…