The Tin Man Was Smarted and Braver than He Thought

Kasey Cox

Dar Williams, a folk singer whose popularity began in the coffeehouse and folk festival scene of New England in the early 1990’s, wrote these words: “And when I talk about therapy, I know what people think/ That it only makes you selfish and in love with your shrink….”

I ruefully smile at these lyrics as I go about my review for Andrew Seubert’s new book, The Courage to Feel: A Practical Guide to the Power and Freedom of Emotional Honesty. Andrew Seubert, co-founder of The ClearPath Healing Arts Center in Corning, NY, has been a licensed psychotherapist for the past 25 years. He and his wife, Barbara Hale-Seubert, practice out of offices in Mansfield and in Corning, and I daresay have probably worked with a great number of the folks in the Twin Tiers. Lately, Andrew’s expertise has lead him to more seminars and workshops where he trains other therapists, as far away as Holland and England.

Perhaps I’m not the best person to write this review, because I’m not sure how many people will take me seriously. Why? I am completely biased. I’ve known Andrew, and his family, for almost a decade. I think Andrew is a great person, and an amazingly talented, effective therapist. I’ve already learned the techniques he outlines in his book, most of them in the privacy of Andrew’s office and in my own life as I struggled to grow through very rocky soil. Therefore, I can’t come to this book with a fresh perspective. I read it as one cheering Andrew’s success, hoping that it is everything he wants it to be, and also as one for whom the explanations for these concepts are already well-ingrained. For me, this book is a refresher course as much as anything.

On the other hand, maybe that makes me particularly well-suited to recommend this book. After writing several articles in the last year in which I publicly disclosed my struggles with manic-depression (bipolar disorder), I have had a staggering number of people call, email, or come to the store to ask advice on books on mental health, and to thank me for speaking up. While I can now speak up about my feelings and experiences, suggesting books that give good advice to people in dealing with their feelings is difficult at best. Each person, each family’s situation is so different. The Courage to Feel, however, allows me a more solid recommendation, since it is advice for everyone to use.

Seubert’s book is exactly what the title describes it to be – above all else, a practical guide to feeling our feelings, which takes a great deal more courage than most of us imagine. After all, feelings are just there, right? They happen to us, they’re part of life, and growing up means learning to deal with them – essentially, at least for most of us, that means shoving them away, tuning them out, so we can deal with life. Not so fast, Andrew says. That is not really dealing with feelings at all. Feelings are life: they are the vital energy that keeps us engaged with ourselves, the people and the world around us. When we shove them aside or tell ourselves they’re not important, we are missing crucial messages that are built into our physiology for essential reasons. And most of us were never taught to interpret those messages, or, in fact, to “deal” with them at all.

Most of The Courage to Feel shows us, step by step, in clear, practical, down-to-earth words, how to unpack the years of feelings we’ve stuffed away, and how to begin to learn from our feelings now, in our day-to-day lives, instead of pushing them into the background like some kind of dirty secret. Andrew explains how we will find incredible energy in this process, a new passion for our relationships and our work, better physical health as well as mental and emotional renewal. There are many books out there, and practitioners, who promise the same kind of things, but that are too easily dismissed as “New Age” or “psychobabble.” I believe you’ll be really pleased with Andrew’s style. There is very little of the language that makes therapy-shy people squirm. For those who need the imaginative, there is the fable of Simon the Turtle woven throughout the book to guide their way. For those who are more business-like, trained as we are for most of our lives to respond to steps and outlines and how-to’s and outcomes, Andrew also provides this.

So which is it? Am I an excellent choice for this review, or should my thoughts on it be taken with a grain of salt roughly the size of Rhode Island? I once asked Andrew a similar either/or question, when I was struggling to decide which part of my life was most real – the achiever or the hospital patient. The simple wisdom is an answer that applies much more universally, to many situations, to many a person, place or thing – “you’re both”.


Hobo isn’t the cowardly lion – he tells everyone his feelings. His photo has been absent lately because he’s been in negotiations. He wanted more pay and fewer public appearances, and he’s certain his photo is worth at least as much as those first photos of Brangelina’s twins. He has currently settled for a break from the summer tour he’d planned – sorry, local senior centers – but his thoughts are still available online at frommyshelf.blogspot.com. He’ll also answer email at frommyshelf@epix.net.