Everyone Loves A Cake Wreck

Kevin Coolidge

A big, cold glass of milk and a slice of my Grandma’s lemon Bundt cake – nothing says sweet memories like quality baked goods, but not all cakes turn out quite so well. Some cakes are ugly, silly, or unintentionally funny. Now you can have your cake and laugh at it too with Cake Wrecks: When Professional Cakes Go Hilariously Wrong by Jen Yates, creator of CakeWrecks.com.

So what is it about a messed-up cake that people find so appealing? I think it’s because everyone has a cake story to tell. Maybe it’s that Little Pony cake that your mom made, but the dog ate, or it’s that day-glow, frosted dragon cake that gave you Technicolor poo for three days. These little slices of flawed confections make us feel more connected to each other, and remind us not to take life too seriously.

So how does the author define a “cake wreck”? Here is Jen’s working definition: “A cake wreck is any professionally-made cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate—you name it. A wreck is not necessarily a poorly made cake; it’s simply one I find funny, for any number of reasons.”

That’s right: it’s Jen’s call, and if you don’t like it, that’s how the cookie crumbles. But some wrecks are a matter of opinion, and not always the fault of the decorator. Though what occasion would call for naked babies with Mohawks riding carrots is beyond even my wild imagination. The baker may have done a sweet sculpture, but it can still be a wreck. So, grab a fork, turn the page and let’s sample.

Cake Wrecks is divided into several slices. There are the literal LOLs (that’s laughing out loud in text talk). Some wrecks make you wonder what exactly the customer ordered. Not these. There’s the famous email forward photo of “Best Wishes Suzanne Under Neat that We will Miss You”. Another favorite is the all too literal “What do you want on your cake?” and the answer, boldly spelled on said cake -- “NOTHING.” If I got anything from this book, other than a belly full of laughter, it’s never to phone in an order and always “neatly” write down your desired inscription.

Jen Yates gives further cake lessons: now I see that picking up the cake only thirty minutes before the event is never a good idea, and that brown icing has a dramatically good chance of looking like fecal matter. As Yates points out, maybe it’s the texture, maybe it’s that fancy, swirly little twist that bakers use, but for me, it does make that low carb diet more appealing than ever. I think I’ll skip desert.

We’ve all made mistakes, turned right when it should have been left, wore stripes with plaid, and asked a cake decorator to write the word “birthday” on a cake, with those pesky numbers: 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th—they all have different endings. Who can keep track of them all? It’s easier to just slap a “th” on them all.

There are also photos of wedding wrecks that fresh flowers can’t fix, holiday horrors of demented Santas, and the beyond bizarre, those creations that frighten, disturb, or just make you go “huh?” A veiled pony as a birthday cake, really? A cake wreck can remind us that life is still sweet, even if your butterfly cake looks more like an alien autopsy. After all, nothing is ever a total loss if it can make you smile. It’s the icing on the cake. So have a Hafpfy birfay! Got ‘ny milk???

Home made? Or bakery bought? Drop me an email at frommyshelf@epix.net. Miss a past column? Have your cake and eat it too at http://frommyshelf.blogspot.com. Hobo knows how sweet it is, that’s why he wrote his memoir “Hobo Finds a Home” a children’s book about a cat who found a home. Now available wherever quality baked goods are sold.