PLANNING THE PERFECT PUTSCH

Kevin Coolidge


Let’s see—sunscreen… check…extra batteries…check…bacon in a can…check…machete…check…extra ammo…check. You may have noticed that Election Day has come and gone, and let me tell you, I’m none to happy with the results. I don’t care who has control of the House or who rules the Senate. I’m tired of the whole big, bloated mess. Before I proceed further, I have a public service announcement from my editor: To whom it may concern: Tioga Publishing, its affiliates, employees, and especially the editor does NOT knowingly or willfully advocate, abet, or advise overthrow of the United States Government by violence…

Okay, if I can continue. Where was I? Endless taxes....pork belly politicians...it's time to put government on a diet! Let's vote the incumbents out you say? Have you seen the new boss? He's a lot like the old boss and that's why I picked up a copy of How to Stage a Military Coup: From Planning to Execution by David Hebditch and Ken Connor.

Eagerly, I grabbed a notebook and pen to summarize the important aspects of each chapter, but I grew more and more disappointed. This book is not entirely a guide on how to stage a military coup, as promised by the cover, but part fictional story, part historical survey of military coups, and finally the much sought after practical advice of the planning and execution of the coups. It’s a devious way to get a budding dictator to read military history.

The coup remains the single most common form of regime change throughout the world, and in some countries is much more frequent than government sanctioned elections. For example, Bolivia has experienced approximately two hundred coups--plus or minus a putsch--after gaining independence from Spain in 1825, that's an average of more than once a year.

How to Stage a Military Coup explores these violent and bloody overthrows of authority along with the social, military and political conditions in which they may prosper. Ken Connor is one of the longest serving members of the Special Air Service of the British Army. He explores coups from Nigeria to Cuba to Iraq and even Germany. Ken Connor writes from the experience of engagement with a humorous, dark cynicism that I found entertaining.

Sure, you’re planning on taking over the world, but you have to start small. Be sure to check out the ten-point checklist to see if your intended country is more likely to be ripe for the picking—tropical latitudes are looking sweet, and if public speaking is your number one fear—right behind death and burning in effigy – then you’re in luck, because a sample speech is included for the novice head of state to deliver, complete with labeled blanks such as-- "INSERT NAME OF FOUNDING FATHER OF NATION/POPULAR HERO.”

Make sure to factor in accounts of timing, media control, and government structure, and be sure your overhead bag is securely in the overhead compartment, and you can be on your way to a successful government takeover, but not the United States. Of course not, that’s just ridiculous. Have you seen the size of the U.S. military? That’s why I’m working my way through the checklist. 1. Former colony? 2. Strategically located? Hmmm, maybe Canada, a land of rich, unsoiled beauty and great beer…

The Ballot? Or The Bullet? Shoot me an email at from_my_shelf@yahoo.com Miss a past column? Reload at http://frommyshelf.blogspot.com . Coming soon! Hobo goes south of the Border in “Hobo Finds A Hogar”, but first…a siesta….