Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Dickens isn't Dead

Kevin Coolidge

I just love Dickens of a Christmas in Wellsboro--strolling the streets, viewing wares, getting my pocket buzzed*. Every year it gets a little bigger, a little better. There’s hot food to fill my stomach, and song to warm my heart. I’ve even seen Scrooge himself. This year is the 30th anniversary, and will be the best one yet.

This year Charles Dickens will be there! I’ve finally earned my online degree in necromancy** and will re-animate old Boz for this special occasion. If you are lucky enough to see Mr. Dickens shambling across Main Street, please maintain a five foot perimeter. Keep small children, pets, and corn dogs away from Charles, and please no sudden movements.

Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Tiny Tim was infected with the zombie virus and ended up eating Ebenezer? Then you need to read The Undead that Saved Christmas edited by Lyle Perez Tinics. This heart-chilling anthology is filled with zombie-themed short stories, poems and carols, and comics.

Stories include Santa Claws is Coming to Town by Calvin A. L. Miller, Night of the Frozen Elf by Richard S. Crawford; and The Santa Epidemic by Mandy Tinics and more. There are rich illustrations by Jason Tudor and Chris Williams among others, and also an awesome assortment of comics by Nate Call, Mike Schneider, and many more.

The smell of gingerbread and nutmeg might have been replaced with the reek of spilled blood, and Santa’s helpers aren’t the cute elves from television specials. You can still feel good about feeding your need for a little brain candy. The proceeds from this book go to charity.

Net proceeds from The Undead That Saved Christmas will indeed help save Christmas for the children of Hugs Foster Family Agency. No author or illustrator has taken payment for their literary efforts, but instead they have used their brains to fill the hearts of children.

Zombies and the holidays go together like the colors red and green. Zombies are the perfect fit for the ravenous consumer frenzy that has become Christmas, and anyone who has survived the chaos that is Black Friday can attest to that. So, along with the box of shotgun shells and that new machete, stuff this book in a stocking. Remember the spirit of Christmas isn’t dead; it’s undead…

*Victorian slang for stealing, especially picking pockets. Nothing like a little verisimilitude to deepen the experience.

**Necromancy, a form of magic involving summoning or raising the dead. Don’t worry. I worked my way up from hamsters. There’s almost nothing that can go wrong.

Jack Frost gnawing at your brain? Or It’s a Wonderful Life…with Zombies? Comment and let me know!

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