Things I Learned and/or Remembered While Preparing This Alumni Banquet Speech

Kevin often writes the blog content now, but several supportive friends from my class asked me to post my speech from last's night Alum Banquet. I think it will be easier to read here than reading a facebook post, so here goes:

"Hi. If we don't know each other, I'm Kasey Cox. My husband, Kevin Coolidge, and I own the bookstore downtown.

You know, writing a speech while working in a bookstore is a lot harder than you'd think. This time of year, my display windows are filled with cool graduation speeches by famous people. It's a little intimidating, being surrounded by Dr. Seuss, Neil Gaiman, and J.K. Rowling, not to mention all the inspirational words of historians, poets, presidents, and world travelers.

There are so many people I thought about quoting in this speech. That seemed smarter -- and safer -- than trying to come up with something original.

When I wrote my speech for graduation in 1990, I had just turned 18. At that point in my life, I was writing all the time -- papers for Mr. Stahler's AP class, essays for college and scholarship applications, and in my own daily journal. I was accustomed to writing, so the words of advice and 'inspirational thoughts' flowed. Now, at 43, I am a lot more cautious about giving advice, and a lot less flippant about a speech like this. That's not lack of confidence; that's wisdom. I can speak to large groups about the pros and cons of self-publishing; or about ways to promote your small business; or about the importance of teaching your child to enjoy reading. I'm more nervous about giving a speech like this, and a lot more nervous preparing this speech than the one I wrote in 1990.

To write this, I kept telling myself: "no one really listens to these speeches. No one remembers what people say at these events, anyway."

That's true. But I still care, because, ultimately, I believe words ARE important.

So, from my struggles to craft this speech, here's what I decided to share:

THINGS I LEARNED AND/OR REMEMBERED WHILE PREPARING THIS ALUMNI BANQUET SPEECH:

#1. It's okay to say "no".

This is especially important for women to learn, but really, is good for all of us to remind ourselves. We end up saying "yes", because we don't want to disappoint our kids/ our spouse/ our best friend from 2nd grade who was good enough to be the class agent for the 25th high school reunion so that you, blessedly, did not have to.

We say "yes", because we love our school, our library, our church, the community theater program. And, while it's important to stay involved, and to contribute to the community, I will tell you something most people won't: you have a limited amount of time and energy. Even when you are young. This is okay. It's okay if you need to say "no".

#2. Sometimes your spouse is right. .... Or your mom, or your sister. My husband told me a couple of days ago, when I was fretting over being here tonight, in the middle of a really busy retail weekend, "Honey, you could have said 'no'. It's fine if you WANT to do it, but you didn't have to."

Listen to advice from the people who love you and know you best.

#3. Ultimately, though, it's your decision. Take ownership of that choice. And responsibility for it.

Which leads us to...

#4. If you said "yes", show up.

#4 and #5 go together:

#5. When you show up, BE PRESENT.

Turn off your electronics for a while.

LOOK at the people you are with.

Enjoy where you are, instead of thinking about what else you need to do, how you look, the state of your checkbook, your overdue library books, that weird sound your car is making, etc. etc. etc.

Your inbox will always be full. Life is full of stressors and projects and crises.

Your life will be full of a lot of beautiful moments, too, and more peace of mind, if you are present -- emotionally, mentally focused, and aware -- in the places and situations in which you find yourself.

#5. Don't talk too much.

Engage in conversations -- as in dialogue. That means listening to what someone else has to say. This applies to your marriage, your friendships, your workplace.

We, as Americans, have gotten a little too full of ourselves with our blogs, our selfies, facebook, texts, tweets, political and religious self-righteousness. We can learn a lot by listening and considering what others have to say.

With that, I leave you to other speeches for this evening, and great conversations with old friends.

Thanks so much.