How to Avoid A Traffic Ticket

Kevin Coolidge

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day, and it’s near the end of my shift. If you can just give me a good excuse for your behavior, I’ll let you go.” The man thinks for a few seconds and then says, “My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I though you might be that officer trying to give her back!”

Wouldn't you like have an available excuse for the next time you are pulled over? Then you’re going to want to pick up a copy of Speeding Excuses That Work by Alex Carroll, published by Gray Area Press. This book contains true stories from drivers who outfoxed the cops and escaped moving violations. Now their secrets can work for you, too. Before I get to the good stuff, let me post a little note to the boys in blue.

Memo to All Cops

This book is full of lies. Excuses people used to get out of a speeding ticket. Is it right? Well, is a speeding trap right? I feel a speeding trap is inherently dishonest. I appeal to you to be officers of traffic safety and not officers of traffic revenue. Pursue the reckless drivers, the impaired drivers, the drivers talking on their cell phones. They are the real dangers on the road today. Setting up speed traps just to fill some quota at the expense of some easy-to-catch motorist going with the flow of traffic isn't protecting anyone. For all those good cops out there who really do serve and protect, thanks for all you do.

Who wants to be pulled over? This handy book also includes how to spot a cop before he spots you. For example, watch out on freeways with bushes and trees in the median. There are often little nooks where the staties lie in wait, and cops love to park under bridges/overpasses. Considering a radar detector? The author tells you what to do and what not to do. You don't want to plug it into your cigarette lighter. It’s the first place cops look.

OK, so we all know the best way to avoid a speeding ticket is not to speed, but I'm sure I'm not the only who has gotten a ticket on an open stretch of road.. Should you use any of these excuses? Should you really have to face increased premiums for just going with the flow? You decide. If you want to save a fortune in fines and insurance surcharges, then you are going to love the story of the man who turned his garden hose into a ticket terminator. The author also includes a cheat sheet of handy excuses to carry in your car. He also includes gender specific excuses.

Sooner or later, you are bound to be pulled over, if just for a broken taillight. The author gives good advice on what to do and what not to do. Address him as "officer," not “sir.” Sir can sound too contrived. Which cop is most likely to issue you a ticket? The higher the rank, the less likely you are to receive a ticket, because senior officers have better things to do than go to traffic court -- like play golf. This book will give you the inside knowledge to determine rank. Sometimes addressing an officer by a higher rank can get you brownie points, but the last thing you want to do is call him a lower rank than he is.

So what happens if your excuse doesn't fly? Try Alex Carroll's other book Beat the Cops, the Guide to Fighting Your Traffic Ticket and Winning. This book can tell you how to dodge a photo radar ticket, how to schedule a trial during an officer’s vacation, and how the public records law could guarantee you a win. If you feel you were ticket unfairly, you owe it to yourself and to democracy. Don’t be afraid to read these books. Don’t be afraid to exercise your rights…

What came first? The speed trap, or the excuse? Email me at frommyshelf@epix.net. Miss a pass column? Speed over to http://frommyshelf.blogspot.com and catch up on past violations. Hobo's going Gonzo. Vote for Hobo in the upcoming election for Tioga County sheriff. Vote early and vote often. "Hobo For Sheriff--Guns, Guts, and Gonzo"