Shhh, It's A Secret

Kevin Coolidge

It's an election year, and it's the same old political bullshit, except it’s more fragrant than usual. I read that this might be the first presidential election that exceeds a billion dollars in campaign spending. A billion dollars, just what is a billion dollars? Sure, it's like a million, only with a “b”, but what is that really? And how can I get me some? Ok, I’m not running a small country or running for president, and I don’t need that much money, but I sure wish someone would let me in on the secret of success. So when I heard Oprah whispering about a secret, I thought maybe I ought to check it out.

A secret, nothing is more compelling, and I just have to know this jealously guarded information hoarded by the wealthy, happy and successful. Rhonda Byrne, New Age guru, is the author of the bestseller, The Secret. You want to know her secret? Your positive thoughts act as powerful magnets that attract wealth, health and happiness. Fleeting negative thoughts are responsible for your bad attitude, your crappy ’78 Pinto, and that overwhelming credit card balance. Yep, it’s your own damn fault that you are broke and fat, and her “secret” is gonna set you free. I don’t know who you blame if you’re ugly. She doesn’t mention that, but it’s implied that you manifested it.

Let me start you on the path to financial freedom. Save your money and don’t buy this book. I do think that the power of the mind can help us deal with the strife in our lives, but mostly through our perception. Positive thinking can help us envision succeeding, open new opportunities, and maybe even give you a great idea that can actually help put you in the seat of that cute little Porsche, but it isn’t going to pay the electric bill. The Secret is a beautiful, hardcover book with a lot of inspirational quotes from people ranging from Einstein to Beethoven, but it doesn’t amount to anything more than New Age fluff and pseudoscience. I think the real secret is getting Oprah to endorse your book.

One book I’d like to see on Oprah is Why You’re Dumb, Sick & Broke by Randy Gage. This book also reveals the secrets to obtaining wealth, health and happiness, but not in a manner that you’ve read before. Randy is blunt, outspoken and brutally honest. He tells you the truth as he sees it, and it ain’t pretty. For example: governments are corrupt by nature. Your government actually wants and needs you to be a worker drone. People whose life purpose is to “Serve God” ought to “be in a straightjacket”, and Titanic is the most evil movie ever produced. Okay, Randy uses some “shock jock” techniques to get your attention, but if you continue reading, his logic is pretty sound, and I never did trust that James Cameron.

What makes this different than most “get rich by thinking happy thoughts” books is that it’s readable. I actually enjoyed reading it. It was well written and thought provoking. Yes, a lot of his views on religion, government and mass media are going to make people angry--that’s the point. He wants to challenge your beliefs, well-buried within this book however is, the very important insight “too often, too many of us are unwilling or unable to think independently.” It’s important to be able to think critically, free yourself of negative thoughts and habits, and to think for yourself. The best innovators and able-bodied minds the human race has produced have done more than think outside the box. They refuse to acknowledge there are limitations. So, I’m going to get a pencil and poke some holes in this cardboard container. It’s getting stuffy in here. Now, visualize mailing me a five-dollar bill, care of the Wellsboro Gazette…

A fast buck? Or just out of luck? Miss a column? Visualize past columns at www.frommyshelf.blogspot.com Hobo visualizes you buying his book “Hobo Finds A Home” about a kitten that wanted more out of life than to be stepped on by clumsy cows. See Hobo in feline form at Blossburg Library March 8th at 1pm. He’ll be reading and signing his book!