"The 13 Days of Xmas"

Kevin Coolidge

HO, HO, HO, Boy, do I feel like I have been run over by a herd of reindeer. (Move over Grandma) I can't believe I got into a drinking contest with the Santa at the company Xmas party. I can usually hold my eggnog pretty well, but that old man could really slug 'em down. I guess that belly that shook like a bowl full of jelly, didn't come from eating Mrs. Claus’s sugar cookies. Well, time to drag my butt out of bed and have a hair of the deer that plowed me over, and do some Christmas shopping….

If you’ve been naughty this year, and can’t count on the man in red to do your shopping for you, here are some suggestions for the book lovers in your life.

The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore: Move over Dickens, a zany Christmas tale of chaos with forgetful angels, a Santa homicide, and zombies?

Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlein: The classic of military science fiction and winner of the Hugo award. A good book and a great story about a young man dealing with war and morality, and squashing alien bugs-the only science fiction novel that’s required reading at all American military academies.

Sick Puppy by Carl Hiaason: An eco-terrorist with a trust fund, sleazy politicians, and a Labrador Retriever named Boodle-slang term for a bribe. Add, a wicked sense of humor and you have, one sick puppy.

Bad Cat by Jim Edgar: Like books with photos? Here’s one with demonic cats with razor sharp claws and bad habits and bad attitudes. 244 cats brooding, deranged and borderline personalities, with full color photos and stats. For the canine lover, there’s Bad Dog.

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach: The human head is approximately the same size of a roaster chicken. If your reader likes CSI, they will love this book. Learn about the interesting life of cadavers from crash test dummies to the body farm.

Eragon by Christopher Paolini: magic and dragons, and a young hero coming to terms with responsibility and adulthood, and an evil, corrupt king. If your reader likes Tolkien this is a solid bet. Written for 12 and over and don’t forget it’s sequel Eldest.

The Art of War by Sun-Tzu: This classic of military strategy, which has been a huge influence on Eastern military planning, business tactics, and beyond, great for the reader planning on world domination.

Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak: My favorite book growing up. It’s a children’s picture books written in 1963. A young boy named Max goes on an imaginary adventure on an island of mythic, monstrous creatures and becomes their king.

Flatlanders and Ridgerunners by Jim Glimm: My grandpa said there’s two types of people in this world, people who put people in categories and …then you have flatlanders and ridgerunners, folktales from the mountains of Pennsylvania.

Brawn by Stuart McRobert: Good, solid and sane advice of weight training for the average joe. Forget books with complicated routines and exotic equipment-basics are all you need.

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemmingway: Recounts an epic battle between an old experienced fisherman and a giant marlin said to be the largest catch of his life. Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, but teach a man to fish, and he’ll spin tales

Yep, my shopping is done for the year. All that’s left is to leave Santa his beef jerky and shot of tequila. I can’t wait to see what Santa leaves in my stocking on Christmas morning....