"Nature Girl"

Kevin Coolidge

Ahhh, that perfect sizzle of steak done well I sit down, pick up my fork and knife and am ready to cut into a little slice of heaven, and the phone rings. Fish, or cut bait? Answer the phone, or get chastised for screening my calls? My steak will have to wait. I answer and a friendly, professional voice promises me a fast way to get out of debt, sell me magazines, or a great piece of real estate in Florida. Arrrgh, my steak is now cold and congealing upon my plate.

Telemarketers, I have always fantasized about tracking down one of these telemarketing creeps and turning the tables -- phoning his house every night at dinner, interrupting a nice, hot soak in the tub, or having him pick up the phone with hands covered in oven mitts. The main character in Carl Hiaason’s new novel Nature Girl does just that.

Honey, the “Nature Girl” of the title, has just started dinner when-you guessed it-a telemarketer and interrupts her meal. Honey is a nice girl with some problems. She hears two songs in her head at once-like Nine Inch Nails, and Nat King Cole-and has decided that there’s a decided lack of courtesy in the world. Old fans and newcomers alike will delight in Hiaason’s 11th novel, another entertaining Florida romp.

Honey lures the unsuspecting telemarketer to the “Ten Thousand Islands” area of Florida with the promise of an Everglade inspired “eco-tour” trap, to lecture him on ethics and common decency. As with all of Hiaason’s fiction there is a cast of extreme and zany characters. There’s a sex-starved fishmonger: a half-breed, blue-eyed Seminole: a private investigator in search of the “footage of a lifetime”: a co-ed wanna-be-hostage, and more.

This is classic Hiaason, so if you are an avid reader, you’ve seen this before. Even so, it’s an enjoyable read. There’s an eclectic cast of characters, witty dialogue and humorous phrasing. A nice addition is his strong character development of a young adult character. Hiaason has forayed into children’s books with Hoot, a winner of a Newberry award, and Flush, and has obviously become comfortable with creating strong children characters. Hiaason’s next book is rumored to be another children’s book. Perhaps, a sequel to the award winning, Hoot-I have a feeling that he wanted Nature Girl to be that book, but his publisher demanded another adult novel.
Hiaason definetly sticks to the adage “write what you know”. His fiction mirrors his concerns as a journalist and a native of Florida. His novels have been classified as "environmental thrillers" and are usually found on the crime fiction shelves in bookshops, though they can just as well be read as mainstream reflections of every day life. If you love Hiassen, you may want to check out Christopher Moore, who has been called “the unhinged Hiaason” and a man that Hiasson calls “the sickest man I know- in the best possible way.”
Me? I’ll be looking forward to both Hiaason’s next novel as well as Christopher Moore’s new book which is being published just in time for Valentine’s Day, You Suck: a Love Story which is a sequal to Blood Sucking Fiends. Well, I have to vamoose. I hear the phone ringing…..